Lorne's Last Nerve
by FaintAisling
Summary: Just a  very  short story of McKay and Lorne working together. And, how working with Rodney McKay is hazardous to one's health.


Of course they were trapped. The day had been going perfectly, and this was the catch. The group of three scientists and three soldiers coughed as the dust settled.

Rodney McKay coughed the loudest. And screamed the loudest as well. "Seriously. What are the odds of this?" he shouted in between coughing fits. "Almost every time I step through that gate something astronomically impossible happens." He had another coughing fit. "I mean, an earthquake? As soon as we step in here? A rock slide? Trapping us in here?" Lorne sighed wearily.

"Everyone all right?" He was in charge of babysitting duty this time out. A source had reported a planet with an abandoned Genii lab and as soon as they walked into a cave that didn't look natural, an earthquake hit. Just a little one that was enough to cause a rock slide. He turned around and peered into the cave. It wasn't a natural cave, he could see that now. It was one big giant room. That was completely empty.

"Looks like we came too late," he said.

McKay looked up. "Seriously? Trapped for nothing?" He sighed and shrugged his soldiers. "Of course."

The scientists began to curse under their breath. McKay's fast track thinking brought him to one troubling thought. "Oh, no." His face was so stricken that everybody stopped and looked at him.

"What?" asked Lorne, concerned.

"I didn't grab a power bar. I'm so hungry."

Lorne stared at McKay. Something inside of him began to panic. It was his last nerve. It had already been tested enough, and it was getting tired. The last nerve was positive that a day with Rodney McKay would be its last.

Lorne just cleared his throat and turned around to everyone else. "All right, guys, let's look around, see if we can find anything useful."

They spread out but the room was completely bare. The Genii cleaned the place out when they left. The only thing they left were the light fixtures on the ceiling. He looked at the light fixtures and smiled. If this place was wired at one point then there had to be...ah, yes, there it is.

"Looks like I found something here, guys."

The closest scientist started to move forward, but Dr. McKay brushed past her. She stumbled and bumped into the cave wall. He didn't even try to apologize.

"Maybe you did..." He trailed off, lost in thought. On the rock wall was what looked like a breaker box. "Huh." He didn't say anything after that for a minute. He scrunched his face and began to nod. "I think...It looks..."

Lorne's last nerve was gravely on the road to extinction. "Doctor McKay." He emphasized every word. McKay jumped and twirled around. He had obviously forgotten he was not alone.

"Oh. Yeah. It looks like it opens."

Lorne stared at him. "Yeah. I can see the hinges." Dr. McKay seemed surprised.

"Right. Okay, step back everybody. I'm going to attempt to open the...uh. Well, I'm just going to open this."

The soldiers and scientists stepped back. There was an exchange of rolled eyes and small grins between the soldiers. Dr. McKay cracked his fingers and then attempted the task.

It didn't open. Dr. McKay's face became more determined.

It still wouldn't open. Dr. McKay, with an increasingly red face, began to grunt and curse under his breath.

"Do you need help, doctor?"

"No...almost...holy crap...why is this so-" He didn't finish his sentence. Instead, he let go of the door and screamed as if he was in extreme pain. The soldiers immediately reacted and pointed their guns at the breaker box. The scientists also immediately reacted by scrambling around, trying to find a place to hide. McKay continued to scream. There was actually tears in his eyes.

"Doc!" Lorne said, his demeanor suddenly serious. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"Son of a bitch! Oh, god...oh, man. I should've seen this coming. Oh, god it hurts so much."

"Are. You. Okay?"

McKay shook his head violently. "No. I am not okay. Jesus Christ...I just bent back every single fingernail. I am in danger of losing at least one. Oh, man, I think I need...I think I need to sit down." He looked down at his hands and another look of panic crossed his face. "I'm bleeding! Does anyone have any fingernail clippers? I forgot to pack mine. Holy crap, I can't believe that happened." He looked up at everyone else- who's facial expressions were all the same. Bewilderment. Well, on Lorne's face was bewilderment and a twitching eye. His last nerve knew that death was fast approaching.  
>Everyone stared at McKay for an uncomfortable amount of time. "What?" He was oblivious.<p>

Lorne took a deep breath and started to speak. He stopped and shook his head, taking another deep breath. "Let me try."

"Go ahead and try. That thing's rusted shut." But Lorne stepped up anyway and discreetly took out a tiny screwdriver. He was still shaking his head. Nobody knew what to say, so the air was thick with a strange kind of tension. McKay stared at his hands and whimpered. While he was looking down, he spotted a slightly big rock. An idea began to form in his mind. He bent down and struggled to pick it up. No one noticed. They were all intent on not looking at McKay, for fear of laughing in his face. Lorne was focused on unscrewing the breaker box cover.

Finally, someone noticed. "Dr. McKay, what are you doing?" Kyle Jessups, a research assistant, asked trying to hide a smile.

"Got a...an idea," he explained, the task of lifting the rock causing him to only speak in grunts. "Move...out...of...way." Everybody moved as McKay somehow managed to throw the rock toward the breaker box. Except for Lorne, who had just opened the breaker box. "I said move!" he screamed in a high pitched panicked voice far too late. Yet it seemed as if timed slowed down as everyone watched the rock hit its unintentional target.

Lorne's butt. His knees buckled and he slumped against the wall in an ungraceful manner. He stayed like that for a couple of seconds, as if he could not believe what had just transpired.

Everyone looked at McKay, whose face had gone white. He shuffled his feet and tried to make his mouth move so that he could form words. He cleared his throat and put on a haughty expression. "I said move. Don't blame me."

The rock hitting his butt was the equivalent of a meteorite hitting Earth. It was an extinction level event, and the last nerve's last fleeting thought as it was incinerated was that it only survived an hour with Rodney McKay.

"Why?" Surprisingly, Lorne's voice was calm as he awkwardly pushed himself up from the cave wall. Turning around, he held out the cover to McKay. "Why?" He pointed at the screws that were still attached to the cover. "Why. A. Rock?"

McKay stared at the screws incredulously. "I didn't notice the screws...well. I- I didn't have breakfast." He cleared his throat and stood straighter. "Let me see if I can fix it."

Everyone watched in awe of the exchange. They had expected they would have to come up with collaborating stories of Rodney McKay's accidental death. However, Lorne was the kind of man who would not let anger get to him while he was in command. He was the better man. Well, that's what they were thinking.

What was really going through Lorne's mind was how he could make Rodney McKay's death look like an accident. He thought about his gun. Too risky. It would be traced back to him in no time. He wondered if he could make it look like McKay died during the earthquake. He weighed the pros and cons as McKay finished fixing the fuses. He was considering wild animals when McKay stood up with an arrogant little grin.

"All right, we're out of here." He pressed a button and slowly the cave wall slid open, revealing a bright and sunny day.

Really wild animals, Lorne thought as he squinted his eyes at the sun. Really huge, really wild animals. Like that lizard bird they ran into a couple of ops ago.

Fantasizing about killing McKay helped Lorne control his temper on the way back to the gate. Everyone was silent and stared straight ahead. McKay walked along with a little strut and a little smile on his face. Completely oblivious.


End file.
